You work out of a Hotel?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize