I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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