the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
