i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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