Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
