My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
