hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
