I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
