Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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