you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
