Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
