Your face is a jimmy john
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
