people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize