Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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