lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
