Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
