i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
