I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize