Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
