i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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