remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
