but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
