we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
