Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
