Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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