My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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