I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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