This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
