So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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