Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
