hotel room ftw
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize