So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
