The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
