I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize