Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
