not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
50% drunk capacity currently
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
