i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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