Hey man sorry I got all grabby
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
