Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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