there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
