im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We don't watch enough power rangers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
