I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
