Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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