textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
