Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize