You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
