my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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