I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
