So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
