the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
