Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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