Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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