i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i dont even know how to be here
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
