ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
