I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This baby is an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
