i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
