I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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