I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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