I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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