at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
