Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
