How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
