sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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