I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize