it hurts more in the daytime
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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