guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
